An UnMerry Christmas

An UnMerry Christmas

The Ghosts of Christmas Pasts are attached to every  
Christmas word, song, smell and tradition.
Feeling like a knife that scrapes away little pieces of my heart,
leaving it shredded and bleeding.

The bright lights
meant to please just
hurt my eyes,
that are puffy from crying.

Crowds that once
empowered my
extroverted personality,
now leave me feeling drained.

Christmas music I use
to hum and sing along with,
just lure me to a door on my heart
with a protective “do not enter" sign.

Smells of festive foods
bombard my memories with
meals I use to prepare
and served to loved ones.

Decorated trees have no place in my home
to stand towering - pointing branching fingers
toward loved one’s residual energy
whose physical presence can no longer be felt.

There is a time to be merry, and a time to grieve.
Grieving feels real and that’s okay for now.
To grieve does not require effort
or pretense.

It is in reality my “UnMerry Christmas.”
Please let it be what it is and help
me respect its power to pass through my heart
and life this year without pretense.

Written by Debbie Kesley


Confessions of a Broken Winged Hippy Chic

"Sometimes I just Cluck better than Soar with my Angel-Winged Self!"  Written by Debbie Kesley


Summer Storms in Life

Summer Storms
Making all things new in some way. 

Rain, falling freely,
A gift from the Creator.
Washing away the dust, grime and pollen
While watering the tender bamboo transplants and the strong trees standing tall.

Does rain in the physical reality possibly
Represent times in our life when out of no where
The storms blow in,
Sending us running for cover from it’s power?

Do the strong roots of those tall places within us
Soak up the power of change
Transforming it into deeper roots
Of wisdom and strength?

Do the tender, newly transplanted areas of
Our life benefit from the pounding,
Soaking aspects that makes us
Reach deeper for the roots to grow?

Summer Storms
Making all things new in some way. 

Written by Debbie Kesley  at  ccpmsblues.blogspot.com


Why Me?

Question asked "Why Me"?

Answer "  Why Not You?"

End of Story:  Written by Debora Kesley


Seeds We Sow

Photo taken by Debbie Kesley

"Sometimes the seeds we sow.............take a few drought years, rainy seasons , scorching hot times of no relief and years of question before they bloom." written by Debbie Kesley


Butterfly Emerging and Breaking Free


I feel like a monarch butterfly emerging ......right now......I'm in the "cracking open" "getting a breath of fresh air" "dizzy as hell......breaking loose from all that which squeezed the breath out of me!" sort of release. 

As freeing as it is.....and I know it is......I'm also somewhat disoriented......in taking a new form of existence to everything I've experienced as reality for a long time

Written by Debora Kesley


Joy Unspeakable


The happy, goofy smile that spreads across my face at the strangest of times.

A warm tear that spills down my cheek, representing an emotion that has no words to describe.

Hot, fire-like breath is what I breathe in... followed by the cool water, spring-like release in what I blow out.

Joy is the intellect that declares “its finally all good.”

A free-spirited  "happy dance" in my heart that sings of my release!

Touchable, like a bank statement that expresses “SAFE” or a huge bill stamped PIF !

Joy…..unspeakable joy ………the moment when all things come together for good that is definable and recognizable in the eye of the beholder.

A journey where the total contrast of despair meets joy and joy begins to have it's day at the river of life which flows within the innermost parts of my being.



Moving down steam with ease, grace, freedom and the knowing that all is well.

Like “God force” living in me and through me as the “real me” that has come home to snuggle in the lap of my Creator for a long awaited moment of peace and rest.


Joy Unspeakable.

And so it is.

Written by Debbie Kesley @  http://www.ccpmsblues.blogspot.com